So, it’s been a while since my last post – I’ve been focusing more on ARGYLE, getting the site ready, researching which domain/hosting site to use, which state to incorporate in, and biting my nails anxiously waiting to get my taxes done so I can pay for all of this. In these trying times, I felt that today I should continue blogging about being a better ‘you’, and how fear can bring you the exact opposite of what you want.
If all you want is peace of mind and a sense of stability, but find yourself constantly spiraling out of control, most likely you have forfeited control, and that you have put your fears in control. The first step to gaining control of your life is realizing that you have let fear control your life, up until now. The actions you take thereafter are the most crucial and takes constant, daily practice.
5 ways to let go of fear and gain control of your life:
- Understand that you have ultimate control of yourself… and only yourself. “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent”. Suffice to say, no one can “make” anyone anything. You may be bombarded with influences – mild and powerful, good and bad – but you are the ultimate decider of which influences you allow yourself to be affected by. At every moment, you are granted the power to choose how you act and [maybe more importantly] how you react. These critical choices form who we are in the present. I stress in the present, because…
- Understand that the past is past, and what is done is done. There is no changing what has been done. A major crippling mindset is the guilt or fear or resentment you hold onto from past events. There is no changing what has been done to you, and there is no changing what you have done. What is important to understand is how you act and react in the present, in order to let past events go, therefore no longer letting the past cripple you in the here and now. Holding on to the past keeps you from being the best ‘you’ when it matters most: now. Holding onto the past doesn’t help yourself nor your loved ones – in fact, holding on is extremely detrimental to present and future peace of mind and sense of stability. You are who you are by your actions and reactions now – not in the past. The same is true for others. People are people for how they act and react now – not the past. Just like you, others are not perfect, and just like others, you are not perfect. Your character is constantly being forged by every new moment, by every new action and reaction. With every moment, you create yourself anew. Forgiving the past is also a big key in controlling yourself.
- Breathe. Fear and anxiety are very strong emotions that can present very quick fight-or-flight responses from you – thus making it very easy for you to forfeit your control and let fear dictate your actions and reactions. Notice in yourself the times when these feelings start to arise, consciously recognize them, and make an effort to breathe. This allows you time to not react. Unless you’re in combat or a life and death situation, reacting in fear rarely [if never] has favorable results – and most often presents you with the exact results you dreaded in the first place. Breathe. Take time to gain composure. Compose yourself. Let reality come back to you, and dispel the fantasy in your head. Drown it out. Let it fade into nothing. The fantasies you play in your head only reinforces your fears – but only in your head and not in reality.
- Stop playing scenarios in your head. Some people do this more than others. Some people focus on past scenarios, some focus on future scenarios. In both instances they are borne from fear, and in both instances they convince you of a false reality. You want security, so you desperately want to “know” – even when there is no way you can truly “know” anything by just thinking hard enough about it [usually interjecting your fears into it]. These made up fear based “realities” you play over and over in your head are extremely poisonous. They keep you from seeing the real realities and keep you from living in the moment without fear. No matter how true it seems in your head, it is cutting you off from your own control, security, and also those around you. Once you start believing your fear based “realities” in your head, you’ve cut off the real reality around you and truths of the people around you.
- Understand that fear breeds suffering and confidence breeds strength. Remind yourself of this a couple times a day. There has never been a triumphant success story of fear, nor has there been a tragic downward-spiral story of confidence. See all the people around you? Those around you who are consistently unhappy and much of the time play the victim role are chock full of fear and lack confidence, while those who are consistently happy, calm, stable, and all around generally healthy don’t have much to do with fear and have a great deal of confidence. We all don’t want to be the former and strongly desire to be the latter – that is why the self help industry is, well, an industry all of it’s own.
We all crave peace of mind and stability. Some of us already have it, some of us don’t, and some of us are finding our way towards it. For those who don’t – know that it takes great effort on a daily basis. Practice until you master it, then practice some more. It’s not just going to happen. No new job or new partner or new car or new anything is going to give it to you. You can claim your freedom from fear and gain control of yourself and your life in the exact situation you are currently in right now. We all need to take responsibility for our own happiness, our own fate, our own decisions, our own actions and our own reactions. There is no blame to go around. Blame is an illusion. The more we pass blame on to others for our unhappiness, the more we play the victim, the more we give up our control, and the more we forfeit our power to fear. We are all responsible to and for ourselves. No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.