Archive for the ‘ Being and Nothingness ’ Category

assholes

$8

Fucking WordPress app. Almost completed this post and it crashed. No survivors. It was a lengthy one, too (that’s what she said).

Anyways, it’s good to be back in the black again – or in trading colors, back in the green. I thought I was out of the game for a while, there. I had sustained major losses last week, leaving me with a balance of $8 and I thought the trading minimum was $10. It must be $10 until you don’t even have that much. So, for shits, I tried to trade that paltry $8 and lo, the trade was accepted! I won that trade and was back in the game. Today was a great trading day, thank god, despite shots being fired at protesters in Saudi Arabia yesterday and the 8.9 magnitude in Japan last night and the resulting tsunami warnings all morning. I thought for sure today would be as volatile as fuck, but there was relative calm throughout the currency markets – pretty steady trends and momentums.

Worked from my flat all day. I need to get out. I’ve been pretty reclusive and stressed lately. Being broke for this long has been weighing heavy on my soul. I shouldn’t let it break me down. I left the rat race for this because I have long been suffering cubicle soul death. I knew this wasn’t going to be easy. I’ve been reminding my family that this isn’t a get rich quick scheme. I knew I would be putting in very long hours for a very long time – and I have. I just loathe being so broke and dependent on others. I should get some coffee. Sold some of my stocks earlier this week, so I have a few bucks. I can justify buying a coffee by having confidence in my trading abilities. Traded very carefully today, turned $8 into $69. That’s almost a 900% profit. Won 9 out of 10 of my trades. That’s 90%. I need to keep perspective.

Coffee is always good. One of my regular coffee holes closed up shop. Fucking economy.

the milestone, the mind-fuck and the zen master

I did it. One of the biggest milestones in my life – the biggest personal challenge I have overcome thus far; Taking action. Finding the courage to stop talking and taking a real risk to better my life. I went from lofty idealist paper trader to dedicated full time professional day trader.

I was paper trading like a mother fucker for a few months, developing my strategy and finding my groove. I eventually perfected my strategy and found my groove, averaging $1000 to $3000 per day (even pulled in over $22,000 in two days). I was a champ. I was the butterfly and the bee. 90+% win rate, cash hand over fist, I couldn’t lose. Then I took the great leap.

There is a vast chasm between paper trading and using real money. The biggest lesson learned so far might be the most important one: day trading is extremely psychological. Granted, my risk tolerance gets softer the more capital I have to work with, as soon as I was playing for keeps with my own hard earned money, I started losing – big time. I had tossed out my proven strategies (without realizing it), and completely lost my groove altogether. I’ve lost thousands over the past few months. For a beginner with only a couple thousand to begin with and only $200 a week unemployment coming in, losing thousands is a big deal. Losing my groove was an even bigger deal.

I give myself credit in that, despite not having any support, I started my new career fully believing that I can do this – and not once have I doubted myself. Not once. But using real money has shown me what is at the core of successful day trading: zen. One must be centered and whole in order to grow as a successful day trader. It’s amazing how much, despite your greatest efforts, that fear and greed and negativity can seep in and disrupt your trading abilities when you first start out and are unprepared for the psychological aspect of trading.

This is the perfect storm and the ultimate test. I must keep from flipping out despite being completely broke. I just went through a huge losing streak, I have bills piling up, I must succeed at this to support my family? No problem. I can do this with a smile on my face.

catching on…

This morning’s profit:

that’s me

Ok, I’ve done shit for keeping up with Dead In The Water, so I’ll just start from here and fill in the blanks later.  Basically, my main thing is The Argyle Project [http://www.argyleproject.org] and my focus has mainly been there for quite some time.  When the time comes to officially register The Argyle Project, I might consider make it a private foundation, rather than a public organization.  Maybe in the future after The Argyle Project is established and well self funded, maybe I’ll make it a public organization.  We’ll see.  For now, I’ll fund the whole thing.

Speaking of which, last I posted, I said I’m in the capital raising stage.  Things are going really great in this area.  Despite losing my ass time and again day trading exotic derivatives, I’m learning so much as I go.  To clarify, however, I should say I’m losing my ass when I trade with real money.  When I trade in practice accounts, I make money hand over fist.  For a while, I was averaging between $1000 and $2000 per day on good days.  On average, I was realizing roughly $3000 to $5000 per week.  Things are a lot different once you start using real money, I’m finding out.  Eventually I’ll be able to trade in real money what I was trading with practice money.  Slowly but surely.  Here is where I learn lessons in patience, greed, and fear.

I’m seeing trends in my trades in many areas beyond just the good and bad days of the week to trade, times of day, and times of market hours that are better.  I notice the more relaxed and confidence in myself I have, the better trades I make.  If I’m having a bad day, if I’m frustrated, sad, lonely, or just off kilter, I find it best to just put away my laptop and not even think about trading that day unless I have a hankering for losing money.

So, yeah.  I think I’ll take The Argyle Project into a more private foundation direction instead of a public charity.  It might take a little longer to establish The Argyle Project as a powerful philanthropic entity, but it’ll get me closer to my more immediate main goal: to be with my kids more – to see them more, to fight for fair custody, to take them places, to finally give them their father back.  I miss them so much.  All of this is for them.

chapter 6

I’m not too big on keeping tabs, but if I recall, I believe I am now starting chapter six of my life story – new chapters being where one experiences a life event that changes life as one knows it, and facilitates a significant shift of one’s personality/character/overall view on life.  I find I’m taking each new upheaval with more and more grace.  This is good news for me.  There are plenty ‘O things where I say “oh, I am this”, but when I think about it (or better, when someone holds a mirror up to me), I’m really quite the opposite.  My desires to be so does nothing to actually make it so.  So, to see that I am actually learning from my mistakes, and not just saying that I do, helps put me at ease.  I’m not all fuck up and no growth.  Not all BP in the Gulf and no chubby.

writer’s block

Writers read.  I hear that all the time.  Writers read.  Some readers write, but all writers read.  I am a writer.  I haven’t read anything for a very long time.  Time to start reading again.  I’m starting my first run of The Brothers Karamazov.  Wish me luck.